He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
