i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
