OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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