At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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