don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
