Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
