I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
