In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
