bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
