The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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