A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
