I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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