I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
