i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
