He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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