True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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