My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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