Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
