grandma shit on top of the toilet
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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