I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
