Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
