i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
