I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
