It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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