does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
