I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
