absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
