Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
worst night to have a conscience
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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