she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
