I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
