So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
