We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
