My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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