you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
