my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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