It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
