so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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