So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
