sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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