You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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