I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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