I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's a Shit stain on my heart
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
