You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
