It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
