it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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