but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
