I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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