so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
time to smoke my breakfast
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
