Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
