I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
