No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
